Because you know

You know you're bored, when late at night, you dance all by yourself to Ghetto Superstar, Getting Jiggy with it, Unbelievable and then after Macarena, sit back down panting and think, "Now what?"

You know you're a little sad, when having been tired of dancing, you decide that next best thing to do is to put together a playlist, which you will artfully entitle, Sorrow.

And you know you're not only bored and sad but you're also bitter because when you get a rare opportunity to meet a real life model, who is as hot in real life as she is in the photos of the magazines you write for (and not pose for), you secretly bet yourself she's an idiot. And you giggle a little bit because as it turns out she kinda is.

That's not actually the only way of being able to tell that you're bitter. You also know you're bitter when you look at wedding photos with love dripping off of them like sickeningly sweet skin-sticking dirty yellow honey, and you find yourself overcome by such unshakable certainty that the groom is gay. And then you launch a very lengthy speech about how you can always tell when love is real because the couple glow in each other's presence, and clearly these two, who just made the biggest mistake of their lives, don't.

You know you're not only bored, sad and bitter, you likewise realize that you're shy and a little paranoid because the prospect of walking into a room full of people, makes you think to yourself: Oh shit. You know you got it bad because the great misfortune of leading the prayer in the company flag ceremony makes you want to file sick leave. There goes your life as a social-climbing drunk and you start building a very emotional relationship with your computer and a software called Utorrent. Whenever you feel that this is just way too much isolation, and that it is absolutely imperative now that you connect to the rest of the world for your own sanity, you surf through the pages of Facebook and chat a little.

There truly are so many things you can learn about yourself when you sit down and think about it. You can even reasonably guess what you were in your past life. For example, if grooving to Cher's "Do you Believe in Life After Love?" strangely enough makes you feel better on a really bad day, clearly, you were once gay.

And you know you're weird too -- in this life and possibly in the last -- because everybody gossips about the fact that you are but you're the only one who doesn't think so. Not only that, you really truly honestly believe that you have never met stranger and sadder men and women in your entire life. The only reason that you're weird and they're not is because there are more of them.

Finally, you know you're not only bored, sad, bitter, shy, paranoid and weird, you're also nasty because you write a statement like that in a public blog even though you know they'd be able to read it. For a moment, you hesitate. But only for a moment. In the end, your mouth forms a hint of a smile, slightly sheepish, and you say: Guys, you know it's only literature....

And then suddenly, just like that, you know you're happy already :)