Because you know

You know you're bored, when late at night, you dance all by yourself to Ghetto Superstar, Getting Jiggy with it, Unbelievable and then after Macarena, sit back down panting and think, "Now what?"

You know you're a little sad, when having been tired of dancing, you decide that next best thing to do is to put together a playlist, which you will artfully entitle, Sorrow.

And you know you're not only bored and sad but you're also bitter because when you get a rare opportunity to meet a real life model, who is as hot in real life as she is in the photos of the magazines you write for (and not pose for), you secretly bet yourself she's an idiot. And you giggle a little bit because as it turns out she kinda is.

That's not actually the only way of being able to tell that you're bitter. You also know you're bitter when you look at wedding photos with love dripping off of them like sickeningly sweet skin-sticking dirty yellow honey, and you find yourself overcome by such unshakable certainty that the groom is gay. And then you launch a very lengthy speech about how you can always tell when love is real because the couple glow in each other's presence, and clearly these two, who just made the biggest mistake of their lives, don't.

You know you're not only bored, sad and bitter, you likewise realize that you're shy and a little paranoid because the prospect of walking into a room full of people, makes you think to yourself: Oh shit. You know you got it bad because the great misfortune of leading the prayer in the company flag ceremony makes you want to file sick leave. There goes your life as a social-climbing drunk and you start building a very emotional relationship with your computer and a software called Utorrent. Whenever you feel that this is just way too much isolation, and that it is absolutely imperative now that you connect to the rest of the world for your own sanity, you surf through the pages of Facebook and chat a little.

There truly are so many things you can learn about yourself when you sit down and think about it. You can even reasonably guess what you were in your past life. For example, if grooving to Cher's "Do you Believe in Life After Love?" strangely enough makes you feel better on a really bad day, clearly, you were once gay.

And you know you're weird too -- in this life and possibly in the last -- because everybody gossips about the fact that you are but you're the only one who doesn't think so. Not only that, you really truly honestly believe that you have never met stranger and sadder men and women in your entire life. The only reason that you're weird and they're not is because there are more of them.

Finally, you know you're not only bored, sad, bitter, shy, paranoid and weird, you're also nasty because you write a statement like that in a public blog even though you know they'd be able to read it. For a moment, you hesitate. But only for a moment. In the end, your mouth forms a hint of a smile, slightly sheepish, and you say: Guys, you know it's only literature....

And then suddenly, just like that, you know you're happy already :)

Mickey

I have to get rid of this small Mickey Mouse myself because Mom is not home and I just can’t take it anymore. So out of the closet came the trap and into a corner which I felt was strategic.  Because I always make it a point to know my audience and all other targets for that matter, not too long after I set up trap, Mickey Mouse indeed ran through the glue board.  He was too fast and too small though. And so cheating gravity, it managed to extricate itself from the adhesive. 

Obviously then, the wisest course of action was to move the trap into another strategic corner in the hopes that Mickey would be daft enough not to recognize the trap if he saw it again.  But you see I have never done this before. This being new to me, I suddenly got curious and wondered: Would Mickey be daft enough to fall into the same Trap if it remained in the exact same place looking the exact same way  or is the little rodent smarter than me? 

I wondered too whether it is true what they say that the likes of Mickey Mouse strike back after perceived attacks by chewing on your stuff because the strike back is as instinctive upon all animals as fear and territorialism.  Cats will scratch your eyes out when you step on their tails and dogs will bite your hands off when you get their food.  Mickey Mice, being less confrontational than other animals, attack your stuff.  I read in a book that they have a distinct ability of sensing when something or someone is less able to fight back. 

I’m more inclined to believe though that the holes they leave on plastic wares have less to do with anything else than raw need. Perceived attack or without, the Mickey Mice of the world chew on stuff for the same reason that seagulls lunch on fish. And they’d be like, “Nothing personal, Man. I’m just hungry.”  Mickey chews on stuff because it’s the next best thing to food conveniently laid out on the floor.

But just in case it makes a difference – there is no harm in trying – I began to speak in my most reasonable tone, “Look Mickey, wherever you are, I know you can hear me.  It is not my wish to harm you. However, you here in my house is not good.  There are sanitary standards to conform to.  Since obviously you will not listen to reason (I make no judgment here; A rodent’s gotta do what a rodent’s gotta do) you leave me no other recourse. This is not aggression only self-defense.”

I know my speech is not going to help. It will continue to chew on my stuff until it gets stuck onto the adhesive.  And that’s the one thing I genuinely envy about Mickey: being guided by nothing else but instinct without any regard for sanitary standards, house rules and general sense of decency. Won’t you tell me this before you die: Are you happier? I actually think that you may be.

***

Development: It did run onto the same trap in the exact same place. LOL. Cute.