Friday, February 25, 2011

Free

There has never been and there will never be one man who can wisely decide a nation’s fate. I was taught my first lesson in political science while being dressed in yellow kikay blouse, shorts and matching headband way back in 1986 when I was too young to fully understand the concept of checks and balances and the lack of them.  My parents (they would later tell me) stayed up all night to wait for updates over the radio.  Bombo Radyo, in spite of directives not to air their coverage, was able to bring to us news about the peaceful revolution in EDSA islands away from Iloilo City where we lived.  We were able to experience only this much of the Philippine revolution, which astounded the world and inspired subsequent protests against bondage in other parts of the globe.

Today, 25 years after the EDSA revolution, I watch with a bit of envy video clips of the people who walked hand in hand in 1986.  I read bits and pieces of these stories of defiance, courage, compassion and unity which all together made world history and which continue to give us hope and pride whenever we let ourselves down as we stumble on the way to progress.  Egypt has just been freed and Libya is following suit but we -- in spite of our occasional poor judgement in electing public officials -- were ahead of our time.

And all I could add is that I was five years old when it happened and I wore a yellow blouse and yellow shorts and I didn’t even understand that a dictator, simply by quieting voices, can undo our collective efforts to become better people. I only knew that yellow meant free and free is what we must insist on being.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Moonlight

a short story by Guy de Maupassant 
***
Abbe Marignan's martial name suited him well. He was a tall, thin priest, fanatic, excitable, yet upright. All his beliefs were fixed, never varying. He believed sincerely that he knew his God, understood His plans, desires and intentions.

When he walked with long strides along the garden walk of his little country parsonage, he would sometimes ask himself the question: "Why has God done this?" And he would dwell on this continually, putting himself in the place of God, and he almost invariably found an answer. He would never have cried out in an outburst of pious humility: "Thy ways, O Lord, are past finding out."

He said to himself: "I am the servant of God; it is right for me to know the reason of His deeds, or to guess it if I do not know it."

Everything in nature seemed to him to have been created in accordance with an admirable and absolute logic. The "whys" and "becauses" always balanced. Dawn was given to make our awakening pleasant, the days to ripen the harvest, the rains to moisten it, the evenings for preparation for slumber, and the dark nights for sleep.

The four seasons corresponded perfectly to the needs of agriculture, and no suspicion had ever come to the priest of the fact that nature has no intentions; that, on the contrary, everything which exists must conform to the hard demands of seasons, climates and matter.

But he hated woman--hated her unconsciously, and despised her by instinct. He often repeated the words of Christ: "Woman, what have I to do with thee?" and he would add: "It seems as though God, Himself, were dissatisfied with this work of His." She was the tempter who led the first man astray, and who since then had ever been busy with her work of damnation, the feeble creature, dangerous and mysteriously affecting one.

And even more than their sinful bodies, he hated their loving hearts.

He had often felt their tenderness directed toward himself, and though he knew that he was invulnerable, he grew angry at this need of love that is always vibrating in them.

According to his belief, God had created woman for the sole purpose of tempting and testing man. One must not approach her without defensive precautions and fear of possible snares. She was, indeed, just like a snare, with her lips open and her arms stretched out to man.

He had no indulgence except for nuns, whom their vows had rendered inoffensive; but he was stern with them, nevertheless, because he felt that at the bottom of their fettered and humble hearts the everlasting tenderness was burning brightly--that tenderness which was shown even to him, a priest.

He felt this cursed tenderness, even in their docility, in the low tones of their voices when speaking to him, in their lowered eyes, and in their resigned tears when he reproved them roughly. And he would shake his cassock on leaving the convent doors, and walk off, lengthening his stride as though flying from danger.

He had a niece who lived with her mother in a little house near him. He was bent upon making a sister of charity of her.

She was a pretty, brainless madcap. When the abbe preached she laughed, and when he was angry with her she would give him a hug, drawing him to her heart, while he sought unconsciously to release himself from this embrace which nevertheless filled him with a sweet pleasure, awakening in his depths the sensation of paternity which slumbers in every man.

Often, when walking by her side, along the country road, he would speak to her of God, of his God. She never listened to him, but looked about her at the sky, the grass and flowers, and one could see the joy of life sparkling in her eyes. Sometimes she would dart forward to catch some flying creature, crying out as she brought it back: "Look, uncle, how pretty it is! I want to hug it!" And this desire to "hug" flies or lilac blossoms disquieted, angered, and roused the priest, who saw, even in this, the ineradicable tenderness that is always budding in women's hearts.

Then there came a day when the sexton's wife, who kept house for Abbe Marignan, told him, with caution, that his niece had a lover.

Almost suffocated by the fearful emotion this news roused in him, he stood there, his face covered with soap, for he was in the act of shaving.

When he had sufficiently recovered to think and speak he cried: "It is not true; you lie, Melanie!"

But the peasant woman put her hand on her heart, saying: "May our Lord judge me if I lie, Monsieur le Cure! I tell you, she goes there every night when your sister has gone to bed. They meet by the river side; you have only to go there and see, between ten o'clock and midnight."

He ceased scraping his chin, and began to walk up and down impetuously, as he always did when he was in deep thought. When he began shaving again he cut himself three times from his nose to his ear.

All day long he was silent, full of anger and indignation. To his priestly hatred of this invincible love was added the exasperation of her spiritual father, of her guardian and pastor, deceived and tricked by a child, and the selfish emotion shown by parents when their daughter announces that she has chosen a husband without them, and in spite of them.

After dinner he tried to read a little, but could not, growing more and, more angry. When ten o'clock struck he seized his cane, a formidable oak stick, which he was accustomed to carry in his nocturnal walks when visiting the sick. And he smiled at the enormous club which he twirled in a threatening manner in his strong, country fist. Then he raised it suddenly and, gritting his teeth, brought it down on a chair, the broken back of which fell over on the floor.

He opened the door to go out, but stopped on the sill, surprised by the splendid moonlight, of such brilliance as is seldom seen.

And, as he was gifted with an emotional nature, one such as had all those poetic dreamers, the Fathers of the Church, he felt suddenly distracted and moved by all the grand and serene beauty of this pale night.

In his little garden, all bathed in soft light, his fruit trees in a row cast on the ground the shadow of their slender branches, scarcely in full leaf, while the giant honeysuckle, clinging to the wall of his house, exhaled a delicious sweetness, filling the warm moonlit atmosphere with a kind of perfumed soul.

He began to take long breaths, drinking in the air as drunkards drink wine, and he walked along slowly, delighted, marveling, almost forgetting his niece.

As soon as he was outside of the garden, he stopped to gaze upon the plain all flooded with the caressing light, bathed in that tender, languishing charm of serene nights. At each moment was heard the short, metallic note of the cricket, and distant nightingales shook out their scattered notes--their light, vibrant music that sets one dreaming, without thinking, a music made for kisses, for the seduction of moonlight.

The abbe walked on again, his heart failing, though he knew not why. He seemed weakened, suddenly exhausted; he wanted to sit down, to rest there, to think, to admire God in His works.

Down yonder, following the undulations of the little river, a great line of poplars wound in and out. A fine mist, a white haze through which the moonbeams passed, silvering it and making it gleam, hung around and above the mountains, covering all the tortuous course of the water with a kind of light and transparent cotton.

The priest stopped once again, his soul filled with a growing and irresistible tenderness.

And a doubt, a vague feeling of disquiet came over him; he was asking one of those questions that he sometimes put to himself.

"Why did God make this? Since the night is destined for sleep, unconsciousness, repose, forgetfulness of everything, why make it more charming than day, softer than dawn or evening? And does why this seductive planet, more poetic than the sun, that seems destined, so discreet is it, to illuminate things too delicate and mysterious for the light of day, make the darkness so transparent?

"Why does not the greatest of feathered songsters sleep like the others? Why does it pour forth its voice in the mysterious night?

"Why this half-veil cast over the world? Why these tremblings of the heart, this emotion of the spirit, this enervation of the body? Why this display of enchantments that human beings do not see, since they are lying in their beds? For whom is destined this sublime spectacle, this abundance of poetry cast from heaven to earth?"

And the abbe could not understand.

But see, out there, on the edge of the meadow, under the arch of trees bathed in a shining mist, two figures are walking side by side.

The man was the taller, and held his arm about his sweetheart's neck and kissed her brow every little while. They imparted life, all at once, to the placid landscape in which they were framed as by a heavenly hand. The two seemed but a single being, the being for whom was destined this calm and silent night, and they came toward the priest as a living answer, the response his Master sent to his questionings.

He stood still, his heart beating, all upset; and it seemed to him that he saw before him some biblical scene, like the loves of Ruth and Boaz, the accomplishment of the will of the Lord, in some of those glorious stories of which the sacred books tell. The verses of the Song of Songs began to ring in his ears, the appeal of passion, all the poetry of this poem replete with tenderness.

And he said unto himself: "Perhaps God has made such nights as these to idealize the love of men."

He shrank back from this couple that still advanced with arms intertwined. Yet it was his niece. But he asked himself now if he would not be disobeying God. And does not God permit love, since He surrounds it with such visible splendor?

And he went back musing, almost ashamed, as if he had intruded into a temple where he had, no right to enter.


***

Henri RenĂ© Albert Guy de Maupassant (5 August 1850 – 6 July 1893) was a popular 19th-century French writer, considered one of the fathers of the modern short story and one of the form's finest exponents.

Friday, February 11, 2011

This Ridiculousness That Sells

Family members spend a lifetime teaching us the basic safety precautions of life: look to the left and right before crossing the street, don’t fall in love too early or too much, save pennies for rainy days and stay away from deals that aren’t fair and the people who offer them to you. Priests, nuns and nosy co-workers – our spiritual consultants having lived life far more righteously than we have – spend as much time at pulpits and office cubicles warning us against worldly pleasures that seduce us into ruining our lives now and in the afterlife.  In the world is a concerted, highly organized and not mention, unceasing effort to impress upon us the importance of living life sensibly and piously and actually all for good reason.  Life doesn’t have to be complicated.  Study well in the early years of your life, find an honest job after learning all you need and marry a hard working man who would be happy to have you. This is the easiest most sensible course of action, and one which we have no reason not to take.


Still, we hear a story about two star-crossed sweethearts, who speak of love through a crack in the wall, run away into the night, and stain the earth with their blood because life is absolutely unimaginable apart and we say that right there is true love knowing full well that taking one’s own life is – as a matter of clinical fact— a clear sign of psychological disorder.


We listen to Kate Beckinsale in her adorable English accent saying that in that one moment beneath the pale moonlight, it was as if the world existed only for her and John Cusack, who unlike 97% of the average male (who are straight) believe in destiny.  And as the story unfolds, the universe does in fact conspire to bring them together. Everywhere else in the world, there is hunger and strife with no apparent intervention from the universe: people have very little to feed their children, a freedom fighter’s wife weeps amidst air raids and gunshots as enemy planes charge the sky, and the leaders of the world fancy themselves larger than the nations they serve. Still, here comes Kate Beckinsale with the audacity to claim that the universe existed for her and a soul mate and we cry.




Because every movie is our life. Every line sums up our soul. Every song is our very own soundtrack. We sing “I can’t take the distance” to someone just right around the corner probably buying a pack of cigarettes and will be back in a few minutes. We say we can relate to songs of love unnoticed, written by seventeen year-old super celebrities, which, at 30, should really be more embarrassing than romantic. 


But the romantic within us will argue this disbelief in true love, destiny, love at first sight and the whole lot is a product— not of sheer good sense — but of cynicism and bitterness.  On account of a two-week love affair, we will continue to declare with dreamy eyes that “we just know.” This, in spite of the fact that we have also “known” a couple of times in the past and it is entirely possible that two weeks later we’ll come around saying we're not all that sure after all.  We’ll be back with a different person in tow one day and we’ll “know” again.


And because we just “know,” it matters less that we’re hell-bound, broke, near death, mocked, or ostracized.  So much less.


It really is beyond comprehension how – without even the slightest intervention of the universe and despite all efforts towards our enlightenment – we allow good sense to lose to this ridiculousness all the time.  It triumphs even in places where we least expect it to, darker places in the world where people have little for their children and enemy planes charge the sky.  All we really need, it seems, is a little bit of that pale moonlight. 


Happy Valentines.

    

Monday, February 7, 2011

This week

In another continent, people have taken to the streets calling for the resignation of a president who has been in power for as long as I have put up with this world and all its crap. That's a helluva long time, I tell you. My friend, Jae, has decided to change her profile pic from an I'm-a-fashionable-geek photo to one that shows her on the street holding up a piece of paper that says "Mubarak game over." I am tempted to write a blog about freedom and democracy just to respond to so many friends who say this country of jaywalking, boozing and late-coming people needs a dictator who will whip misbehavior out of everyone and show the way to progress but I'm not going to do that. First, because it's a bit geeky. Second, because if I tried to respond, I wouldnt know where to begin and how to stop. Third, because we should give the spotlight and our full support to Egypt. I will however tell you a brief story about a foreigner who said that the best thing about the AM radio is that it doesnt rob people of imagination, which supposedly TV does. That's what you get when you live in a country where the government writes the news on air and in print so the only accurate thing you can gather from the media is the traffic report. The best thing about the radio is the news, dude. In this country, at least.


So that's what's going in Egypt. Not much here in my room at exactly 11:30 on the 6th of February. I worked only two days this week because of an embarrassingly bad cough that has kept me cooped up in my room with absolutely nothing to do but close my eyes and imagine far more interesting things waiting on my doorstep. My computer has been acting up lately; I can't hear anything from my earphones or my speakers. My DVD player is broken. And although I vowed to finish 1984, it's just way too geeky. (Many times when I was home alone and idle, it called me for more discussion on the idea that war is peace, freedom is slavery and so on but I managed to intimidate it into shutting up. And so again, I close my eyes and see what bundle of joy awaits on my doorstep.)


I dont feel like being geeky eight days before Valentines Day, which is by the way NOT just another day. The way things are going I am NOT going to have a date -- AGAIN! And I'm not going to get any more text messages reading "V-DAY sucks" to which I can respond "Down with VDAY!" because Dianne is happily married.


I am so sad. There are only four reasons that I am not absolutely depressed. First, it's a little off to be so down when the world has bigger problems: for one, Egypt needs to be free (Must not be self-centered.) Second, I have reason to believe I will enjoy the book after 1984 (Must look forward to better things.) Third, I am just never depressed. And finally, because the world can be a pretty messed up place but not when I close my eyes.