Jessica Sanchez

So I have an ear infection, which my mother characterizes as potentially debilitating; I could lose hearing on my right ear for good. That’s being dramatic considering there are antibiotics and precautions one could take. All the same, I put on my earphones, turn up the volume full blast and search YouTube for something interesting to listen to.  I may never get the chance again. (I live for the drama. At the end of the day, what else is there?)

To make the long story short, I stumbled upon Jessica Sanchez, Filipino-Mexican contestant on the 2012 American Idol. At 16, she is leading the race for super stardom, which is great. I am rather happy about it.  She’s very good too in a genetically engineered sort of way getting the standing ovation nearly every time, an accomplishment so rare CNN found it newsy enough to share to the world. She’s very good, no doubt. In a genetically engineered sort of way. 

I can’t put a finger on what keeps me from liking her more than I should. So in an attempt to break this down, I listened to all versions of I Will Always Love You on YouTube (strange hobbies, I know).  Plenty of the versions were great but none better than the Whitney hit from that ridiculous movie with Kevin Costner, which I liked.

I want to add that I particularly disliked Charice's rendition of the song. She's a powerful singer; I did notice that much but you can't look like you've conquered a giant when singing  I Will Always Love You and smile as though you absolutely love listening to yourself. Contrary to popular belief,  it is far from being the hardest song ever written or sung.  (Don't kid yourself, kid.) It ain’t even one of the best songs in its class.

It is however one of the most ridiculously dramatic songs ever written about the glory of love that cannot be.  If you wanna nail it, you have to get it (Just stop before you OD on dangerous substances. That's a little too much honesty.)

Anyway, back to Jessica Sanchez. She reminds me of someone I couldn’t figure out until a few minutes ago: Ella May Saison. Unfortunately, Ms. Saison, as talented as she was, didn’t make it big enough in show business. She had a couple of US released singles but none propelled her to the super stardom Jessica Sanchez has so determinedly set her eyes on. Saison  is still sort of “iconic” locally but that's about it. We won't be reading CNN articles about her now. That girl could sing though. She was raw talent honed by gig after gig trying to eke out a living. Take away the attempt to sound like Beyonce and add a tad bit more honesty and Jessica will sound a lot like Ella Mae Saison, a high-pitched, rough and throaty kind of great.

I love OPM and I miss Ella Mae Saison. I was in high school at the height of her popularity and I think she had a hand at screwing me up for the rest of my teenage and adult life. She and the Little Mermaid. Click play to get it.

It must be difficult to be an artist aspiring for something really big.  You work hard to perfect your technique. You surround yourself with decent influences and find some way to mix them up and make it your own. You define your style. You work on your stage presence and performance and then some bitch, who can’t even sing, has the gall to say the magic just ain’t there because that is what happens when you sing solely for the spotlight.

To be fair to Jessica Sanchez, I thought her version of Prayer was really special. And all the other performances truly deserve the raving reviews.

But the greatest songs in this genre were written in the midst of a train wreck and are sung at 4 in the morning by hapless souls who still believe Gabby actually loved Sharon and Ariel did Regine too.

So honey, take a break from the voice lessons and take a brief trip down the road of the hopelessly devoted and extra cheesy. Well, it’s not necessary. You have more spunk and sophistication than they do and at the rate you’re going, it seems you might actually make it. Sure, you'll miss out on the rare opportunity to screw up teenagers on the brink of young love but that's not even a good thing anyway.

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Knowing It All

Once in a while, I make a big joke and such fuss about me knowing everything. I say that a lot in tone which rings of self-amazement.  Superman: Super Strength. Charmaine: Super Sure.

The most annoying thing about my as-usual-I-am-right spiel is that I’m not really kidding so those with the great misfortune of being within earshot are rolling their eyes thinking, “Somebody shut her up.” Sometimes I do because I know everyone hates an insufferable know-it-all. Sometimes though I’m too in love with myself to even notice dagger looks thrown my way. (If you’ve ever played a round of Cluedo, I’m sure you‘ve experienced that incredible high when you’ve successfully figured out where Dr. Black was murdered, who did it and how. It’s all very Sherlock Holmes. Anyway, what was my point? I forget.)

Ah yes. I was going to provide an explanation why I think I know everything, and that is: I just do. It’s really freaky. I am however exaggerating when I say I was born with this…err…gift. No. I was born temperamental but good natured (if that is at all possible), kind of “lost” with my heart out on my sleeve. My yaya would tell me stories about large black dogs turning into people who ate other people and that would send shivers up my spine.  She'd explain to me that if she touched my eyes I’d be able to see them too. I would debate long hours with myself whether or not I would like that.

But life happens and somewhere along the way, you pick up a thing or two because you won’t survive life lost in your own universe regardless of how much fun that is. So you watch, you listen, you compare, you read into everything, you go back to the archives, you think, you put together a theory and you test your theory. And you do it all the time because right around the corner is another human being poised to screw you out of everything you have.

Most important of all, you make a genuine attempt to avoid the pitfalls of ineffective, inaccurate and potentially confusing life research techniques.  Nothing will muddle your findings more than false, simplistic, biased and inaccurate data. 

I’m going to start you off with a couple of dos and don’ts because I’m nice like that:

• Never believe what people post on Facebook or Twitter.  As a general rule, don’t believe anything that people take at least five minutes to put together.
• Never believe what people say about themselves. People are more likely to launch a lengthy nonsensical explanation or concoct an interesting highly unlikely story before you could get them to say, "I was wrong," "I made a mistake," "I suck," "I got dumped," and so on.
• Never believe what people believe about themselves. Everyone is the star of her own Hollywood movie. Self-awareness is rarer than amnesia caused by a car accident or a blow to the head.
• Never believe what people say about other people. They’re likely to be bored or bummed by their own lives. Otherwise, they wouldn’t bother with yours or anyone else’s.
• Never believe what people believe about other people. To be able to correctly judge the lives of others requires a certain level of I.Q. but everyone thinks they’re qualified.
• Never believe quotations, proverbs or stuff like that. They’re oversimplified at best, full of shit in general. For example, “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” Dude, cry if you want to.  Period. Just don't do it forever because even the most heart-warming tear-jerking scene in an Oscar-nominated movie gets old.  “Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” No, geniuses have an I.Q. of 140 and above and they’re born that way. If you’re not a genius now, you will never be. In any case, it’s not that big a deal.
• Never believe that the experience of others applies to you. The most fascinating in the universe are anything but uniform.
• Never trust your eyes.  People are themselves when all alone.
• Never trust tears. Trust only genuine laughter. That my dear is your one true thing.

• Here comes the big however: Trust a good majority of people you meet even when they’re trying to screw you.  They were all born good-natured with their hearts out on their sleeves until their own lives took their own unique twists and turns.  Evilness is genetic only in soaps.
• Trust the dreams which force their way to your head even when you’re supposed to be resting and not thinking.  They are persistent for a reason.
• Trust the beating of your heart, the calm of your soul and the rhythm of your feet. They are fail-proof joy and sorrow indicators.  Learn to feel that in people because genuinely happy people with rich lives won't screw you on purpose.
• Trust what you know.  If Columbus weren't brave, we'd still be thinking we'd fall off the Earth if we traveled very far.