Order In Disorder

There is one thing that very few people realize about me. In fact I may be the only person who knows this so I hesitate it to write down.   It is a claim that would raise quite a number of eyebrows (including yours) and bring down my already hurting popularity rating.  Anyway, like it or not, here it goes: I’m sort of organized.

Sprinting to work every morning with my hair uncombed and my blouse unbuttoned (or inside out), this is really a claim I shouldn’t make publicly.

Once, when I was on a date, I misplaced the movie tickets a few minutes before the show so I had to empty all the contents of my bag in front a very embarrassed boy and a very annoyed ticket lady just to find the darn tickets. And who forgets to bring their wallet before leaving and thus not be able to pay for public transportation? What kind of person does that?

But whatever I lack in order, focus and sanity, I make up for in self-awareness. I always say this and I can never say it enough: when we suck, we have to know.

So at the beginning of every year, I buy a notebook which contains a very strictly implemented To Do List. I spend the first few hours of a working day doing nothing else but updating it.  For the rest of the day, I work my way through each item until they’re all done. I won’t survive otherwise.

I take my lists very seriously. In fact, the only reason I always forget to bring my phone or my wallet is that they’re not on the list. (I will find way to fix that before the end of 2012.) My point is when it comes to things matter, there’s a good chance I won’t let you down being all too aware of how badly I can mess things up when I allow myself to be myself.

What I do not have a list for though is my life. Until I write every minor and major task down, I wouldn’t really know what I’m supposed to do next and would probably spend every idle minute just googling shirtless actors and reposting them online. (I don’t even know why I do that.) 

It’s high time I put structure where there is none. This is what I hope to accomplish in the succeeding days, months and years.

1. Learn how to get online traffic and practice.  This is more challenging than it sounds because I really have no interest in writing about any topic other than myself.  However, it seems that everyone else wants to read about everything else. Quite a challenge. Certainly, quite a challenge.
2. I’m screwing with you. I do want to write about other things. I just can’t. I can’t do opinion columns, book reviews, movie reviews, food reviews, fiction and non-fiction. If you want me to write about contraception, I will most probably claim that the greatest hindrance to safe sex is the belief (maybe fact?) that condoms take much of the fun out of, you know, that.  I will then be fiercely bombarded with criticism by those who know better because as a matter of fact, the poor can’t afford contraception and that they really need a safe-sex-how-to.  And I’m that certain they are correct. That’s why I’m pro RH Bill.  But I wouldn’t be able to resist pointing out that some of those boys who knocked somebody up had the money (just saying). Anyway, this should go to show that I can’t do socially relevant writing.  

But if I had the skill, opportunity and lightning strikes of inspiration, I would write about people  who can teach us a thing or two about life and do a couple of bedtime stories for kids (to put some of my self-righteousness to good use).

I will start with one that I’ve been meaning to do for years but never had the confidence. Tomorrow.

3. Find a decent place to live and once and for all feel like an adult.
4. Find a way to make more money without getting sick to my stomach. This is related to Item #1 and #2.  If I work hard enough I could probably earn a bit of extra cash every month, but happiness is important.  We only live once.  Somewhere in this mess is a fine middle ground. I will find it.
5. Study something. The problem with this is that Item#4 is a prerequisite. Actually, there’s a huge problem with Items #3, #4 and #5 in terms of prioritization. Which am I going to do first without going broke?
6. Thus it is imperative that I really really save money.  I have to commute more and spend less on take out. Damnit burger champ. I’ve been meaning to get another notebook just for expenses but I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Tomorrow.

These are not at all easy. Just thinking about them makes me want to sleep or google photos of shirtless actors but there has to be more in this life and writing things down is a bit of a start. When the things we hope for get too overwhelming, what else is to be done but to take everything one To-Do item at a time?